I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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