I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
