i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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