And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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