my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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