He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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