it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am midnight drunk by noon
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
