I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize