I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
