Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
