I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
