I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
