i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
