So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
