sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
