just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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