Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
