I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
