He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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