Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
