My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Terrible idea I love it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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