I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
