I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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