I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
