I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
