another moral hangover. fuck.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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