this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
