Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
