...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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