Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
