Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
