I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
