end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
