I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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