I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
