I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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