The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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