Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
