just survived the first fart of the relationship.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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