You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
