there was a trapeze. enough said
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
