i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
