So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
