She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
What a dumb baby whore.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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