You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
