i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
