I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
