Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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