I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
