my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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